[saymaListserv] AA per_(.)(.)_tive : The other diversity survey ...

Mary Calhoun moriah at preferred.com
Mon Jun 5 17:44:08 JEST 2000


per_(.)(.)_tive from the Administrative Assistant's inbox--

On the Eve of Yearly Meeting,
"the Other" Spiritual Diversity Survey
______________________________


_(^)(^)_ the following is a forward from the Friendly Nuisance list

---------------------------------

>From a British Friend

--------------------------------
On Mon, 5 Jun 2000 13:33:38 -0500 Pam Lunn
<pamlunn at gn.apc.org> wrote:

> Nancy for FN's, maybe, if you haven't already seen this on your side
of the  Pond?
>
> love
>
> Pam
>
> -----------------------------

> >God would like to thank you for your belief and patronage. In order >
>to better serve your needs, He asks that you take a few moments to
> >answer the following questions.
> >
> >   1. How did you find out about your deity?
> >
> >      __ Newspaper
> >      __ Bible
> >      __ Torah
> >      __ Television
> >      __ Book of Mormon
> >      __ Divine Inspiration
> >      __ Dead Sea Scrolls
> >      __ Near Death Experience
> >      __ Near Life Experience
> >      __ National Public Radio
> >      __ Tabloid
> >      __ Burning Shrubbery
> >      __ Other (specify): _____________
> >
> >    2. Which model deity did you acquire?
> >
> >      __ Jehovah
> >      __ Jesus
> >      __ Krishna
> >      __ Father, Son & Holy Ghost [Trinity Pak]
> >      __ Zeus and entourage     [Olympus Pak]
> >      __ Odin and entourage [Valhalla Pak]
> >      __ Allah
> >      __ Satan
> >      __ Gaia/Mother Earth/Mother Nature
> >      __ God 1.0a (Hairy Thunderer)
> >      __ God 1.0b (Cosmic Muffin)
> >      __ None of the above, I was taken in by a false god
> >
> >    3. Did your God come to you undamaged, with all parts in good
> >working order and with no obvious breakage or missing attributes?
> >
> >      __ Yes
> >      __ No
> >
> >    If no, please describe the problems you initially encountered
here.
> >
> >Please indicate all that apply:
> >
> >      __ Not eternal
> >      __ Finite in space/Does not occupy or inhabit the entire
cosmos
> >      __ Not omniscient
> >      __ Not omnipotent
> >      __ Permits sex outside of marriage
> >      __ Prohibits sex outside of marriage
> >      __ Makes mistakes
> >      __ Makes or permits bad things to happen to good people
> >      __ Makes or permits good things to happen to bad people
> >      __ When beseeched, He doesn't stay beseeched
> >
> >    4. What factors were relevant in your decision to acquire a
deity?
> >
> >Please check all that apply.
> >
> >      __ Indoctrinated by parents
> >      __ Needed a reason to live
> >      __ Indoctrinated by society
> >      __ Needed focus in whom to despise
> >      __ Imaginary friend grew up
> >      __ Hate to think for myself
> >      __ Wanted to meet girls/boys
> >      __ Fear of death
> >      __ Wanted to piss off parents
> >      __ Needed a day away from work
> >      __ Desperate need for certainty
> >      __ Like organ music
> >      __ Need to feel morally superior
> >      __ Thought Jerry Falwell was cool
> >      __ Shit was falling out of the sky
> >      __ My shrubbery caught fire and told me to do it
> >
> >    5. Have you ever worshipped a deity before? If so, which false
> >god were you fooled by?
> >
> >Please check all that apply.
> >
> >      __ Baal
> >      __ The Almighty Dollar
> >      __ Left Wing Liberalism
> >      __ The Radical Right
> >      __ Beelzebub
> >      __ Bill Gates
> >      __ Barney The Big Purple Dinosaur
> >      __ The Great Spirit
> >      __ The Great Pumpkin
> >      __ The Sun
> >      __ The Moon
> >      __ Elvis
> >      __ Other: ________________
> >
> >    6. Are you currently using any other source of inspiration in
> >addition to God?
> >
> >Please check all that apply.
> >
> >
> >      __ Tarot
> >      __ Lottery
> >      __ Astrology
> >      __ Television
> >      __ Fortune cookies
> >      __ Ann Landers
> >      __ Psychic Friends Network
> >      __ Dianetics
> >      __ Palmistry
> >      __ Alcohol
> >      __ Bill Clinton
> >      __ Amway
> >      __ CompuServe
> >      __ Jimmy Swaggert
> >      __ Wandering around a desert
> >      __ Insurance policies
> >      __ Barney T.B.P.D.
> >      __ Other:_____________________
> >
> >    7.  God  attempts to maintain a balanced level of disasters and
> >miracles.  Please rate on a scale of 1 - 5 his handling of the
> >following
> >
> >(1=unsatisfactory, 5 = excellent):
> >
> >      a. Disasters:
> >
> >      1 2 3 4 5 flood
> >      1 2 3 4 5 famine
> >      1 2 3 4 5 earthquake
> >      1 2 3 4 5 war
> >      1 2 3 4 5 pestilence
> >      1 2 3 4 5 plague
> >      1 2 3 4 5 Spam
> >      1 2 3 4 5 AOLers
> >
> >      b. Miracles:
> >
> >      1 2 3 4 5 rescues
> >      1 2 3 4 5 spontaneous remissions
> >      1 2 3 4 5 stars hovering over jerkwater towns
> >      1 2 3 4 5 crying statues
> >      1 2 3 4 5 water changing to wine
> >      1 2 3 4 5 walking on water
> >      1 2 3 4 5 getting any sex whatsoever
> >
> >    8. From time to time God makes available the names and
> >addresses of His followers and devotees to selected divine
> >personages who provide quality services and perform intercessions in
> >His behalf. Are you interested in a compilation of listed offerings?
> >
> >      __ Yes, please deluge me with religious zealots for the benefit
> >of my own mortal soul
> >
>
________________________________________________________________________
___
>
> Pam Lunn
> pamlunn at gn.apc.org
>
> and
>
> Woodbrooke College, 1046 Bristol Road, Selly Oak,
            Birmingham B29 6LJ
> email: pam at woodbrooke.org.uk
> fax: 0121 472 5173
>
> This message may have been typed, but on a bad RSI day it will have
>been created with voice-recognition software: please ignore any
>dictation errors I failed to notice.
>
________________________________________________________________________
___

-----------------------------------------
Nancy M. Whitt
Professor of English
Chair, Department of English
Samford University
Birmingham, AL 35229
Phone: 205-726-2458 Fax: 205-726-2112 E-mail: nmwhitt at samford.edu
-----------------------------------------

.....end.....
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Mary Calhoun, AA











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